بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم
My journey to Islam continues as I set out to Minneapolis to try and enroll in the Islamic University of Minnesota (http://www.iumn.net/) in order to further my education in Islamic Studies. Unfortunately I did not have nearly enough money to enroll, my federal aid was rejected because they felt my family made too much money, and scholarships were next to impossible to obtain. So my cousin and a friend of mine decided we would just work and try out life living independently. My first destination was to some of the area masjids, so i could become friends with some new Muslim people. After Ramadan ended, I found myself increasingly hanging out with Muslims who were very far astray from the right path to Allah swt. Before long, I started reversing back to some of my former ways. I began smoking weed again, and became more engrossed with living the life that I was rapping about (all things from the past I gave up this I became a Muslim). I went from praying 5 times a day to only praying Jummah at the Masjid.
It didn't take long for me to lose almost all sense of Imaan. I was engaging in casual and frequent sex, smoking, and began drinking alcohol, something I did not even do before I was a Muslim. The more time passed the more my actions became that of a non believer. In some aspects, I had become worse than I was before finding and accepting Islam. I started to notice a ripple effect in my actions, and my old friends and my roommates were being effected by my actions. Due to the fact I was bringing bad people around, bad things were happening to us. While on a trip to see family out of state, our apartment was broken into. Almost all of our important things were stolen. It seemed like everything was going backwards in my life. I gave up doing bad things to pursue my education and connection with Allah, and after moving to Minneapolis for the sole purpose of learning more of the religion of Islam and striving for the sake of Allah.
While on this self-destructive path, I started to feel the consequence of my actions. First was the home invasion, next came the close encounters with death, a few times getting my car impounded and going to jail, and 2 seperate pregnancy scares. I had fallen so far off of the righteous path to Allah swt that I was oblivious to all of these signs all around me. It wasn't until I had let some so called friends move in with me that I realized how much of an out of control spiral my life was becoming (all over again). With a few more items being stolen from our apartment, we decided we were going to leave it all, go back home and try again. At the time I took no responsibility for my actions, and made excuses. Even after losing my job and almost being evicted from the apartment. We packed up what we could in a few seperate trips to Minneapolis and then let everything go. I had absorbed into myself all 4 pillars of kufr without even realizing it, and I was so blinded by the drugs and alcohol I didn't bother to take the time to look in the mirror and see what I was doing to myself or those around me.
I found little solace being back at home and continued doing the same things, only with a free roof over my head. This led to me being even more irresponsible than before and getting even more carried away. My initial goal was to get back on track financially. I had put myself into $2000 debt and was virtually broke. This plan was short lived, and I spent most of my money on drugs and alcohol. It just so happens that while I was unpacking a bag I found my old prayer hat, prayer mat, and a khamiis. I instantly had a flashback to when my life was on a positive slope and things still made since and seemed so easy. I put on the prayer clothes and looked in the mirror. For the first time in almost a year I saw the Abdul Raheem I knew. I had a moment of clarity and realized that Allah was the greatest of planners, and while I was devoted to him, my life was great; when I was submissive to the dunya, my life collapsed. Now all I had to do was develop the strength to put down the bottle, the blunt, and the sex, and start living a life for the sake of Allah swt once again.
سلام عليكم
عبدالرحيم
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